Patients Say the Darndest Things

I set up a pelvic exam tray for bed 13. She eyed the pelvic light with a wide eye, "what is that black thing?"

"Oh, it's just a light", I switched it on and off for her to see. 

"I just had twins, so I mean, it will fit, but y'all aren't gonna stick that thing up there, are you?"  

"Ms. Colorful Language, have you had a pelvic before?"  

"Yeah."

"Then you know, it will be really quick. This light won't stay up there."

"Ok." She kept eyeing the light.

"Don't worry, honey, either me or the other tech over there will be here with you through the whole thing, ok?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything. I left the room and the very straight-laced, so-academic-as-to-be-a-bit-socially-inexperienced resident soon entered with the other tech.  He came out ashen-faced a few minutes later. "Well, I have never heard that expression before!" He sputtered.  "What did she say?" He wouldn't repeat it to me.  Later, I entered the room with him for something else. 

"Doctor, are you going to **** me with that black thing again?"

"No, we're all done," he said, blushing. I could barely hold my face straight.  "That's what I was referring to," he whispered to me as we left the room and a grin crossed my face as I bolted to find somewhere to laugh.  

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